I’ll
tell about my story with my first love. He is my best friend in senior high
school.
In the beginning, I was
shocked that he loved me. He braved to confess it and with no reason, just base
on my feeling I said too. It was my first relationship, so I still cannot
handle in at all. My tears always stream down my cheek because some accident
that I never knew it before. I don’t know why, every single moment always take
serious part in my mind then come to my heart, such a gaping wound with
invisible blood.
Honestly, in the first till
fourth week it was always be gorgeous day, romantic morning and warm goodnight.
I never felt it before, this affection made me addicted and fear arises. Afraid
of losing you. We were not only meeting in social media by chat, but I still
remember the first time, He called me in the middle of afternoon, Monday. We
just talk about random topic, every single minute made me smile. You know how
long we spent our time, around 1 hour 3 minute, perhaps.
Then, a week after he
confessed, we met in Malang and went to place for talking heart to heart. For
addition I asked him to accompany me to my friend, actually she was his special
girl in past. No problem for me as long as, He eminently.
Underneath
the rain we went my home in village, so far away. But, I didn’t know why my
tears came down because He wants to hang out with girl. I were sensitive at that time and so sorry, beib.
It all because my love was going to be crazy and really want to you be mine.
MINE à belongs
to me.
Furthermore,
I said to him, the He just explained it just a joke. Huft feel relieve. The
time runs by second. You always take care of me, accompany me in chatting when
I could not sleep, waited in train, and all the time I need. He was so sweet.
Stone….
The problem knocked our home sweet
home. it were my fault, according to me, I might to do everything for making
him happy, include lying. How stupid I am !! I just spent most of my time in
fairytale world then cause my mind to make everyone happy. As usual, I transform
be over-act-human above the name of love, its natural, reflect, and could not
handle it. I really want to be normal but need a process to adapt. So sorry,
sometimes it would disturb you, I promise to control myself.
Yet, I did it again. A few days
before, it was my hectic day. There were so many meeting till morning, in
night, and take times and emotion because all about my batch with other batch.
Then, you sent my photo with your ex. I were angry, reflect because my day has
been ruined by all the things. So, there was so much word typing in every
single of your account of social media. I’m sorry for a moment’s emotion.
Now, I realized. It is not about afraid to
lose someone in your life, but we have to be ready for goodbyes, sorry, and
prepare all the things well. The important part is being ready for hurt and
wake up again to live in life.
With
love, I really miss you, especially your morning voice.
To
be continued…. In other chance, I’ll tell about our hang out in some place.
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